Poem: “Getting Wise”

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I feel inadequate in all my areas of life.
Every Single One of Them
No where do I feel I shine
Not every day
Not once a week
Not even once a month
Nothing Nothing Nothing
The emptiness inside
A buffer surrounding my 
soul
LIke a black cauldron of my Self
Afraid to look inside
Afraid to take the lid off
It is much simpler to just hide
.
But with this Way comes a
Lethargic heaviness deep inside my limbs
that makes it hard to lift my legs
To lift my head and face each day
ilKnowing the blackness will feel me like
Lead and poison my being as I
Struggle and fight against it
Each and every day of every hour and every second
of every year of my whole life
.
Some days I can easily see the joy outside my head
Others are so dark and cold the anger takes me instead
A pit of black offensive ooze that
Stinks and smells and sticks on others
As I spit it from my mouth in words I never
Ever wished to hear
Black Evil Venom
Sucked down into my toes of every
Cell and every pore of my existence
Not me.
But real
.
How to get to the me, not me
Through the goo of you, not you
The flavor fills all of my senses and
the sorting button is stuck
Insisting I cannot see the Reality
Through all of the muck
It laughs at me “see you are yuck!”
I told you over and over again
And now it is who you really are
You cannot deny the horror
that lives inside of you any more
It has become you, finally, unable to resist
the bittersweet pull of Evil in your core.
.
Swim and dive and gurgle in the malodorous slime
Dive deep, dive deep until you can reach
the bottom.
it is only at the bottom
At the very bottom of the pit of your soul
It is there you can find the plug
That stoppered up your hole
The whole that was your Self
It used to be so bright
But as the years grew longer
You got lost and never found your sight
.
It came from all around you
Dumping on your head, filling all the parts of you
with other people’s Dread
It felt so true and real to you
You lived with this all your life
So “of course” you said it must be mine
I’ve had it all the time
so innocently you lapped it up
This ugly other people’s stuff
And made it welcome in your hole
It really helped the plug to stick
Somehow it made your anger seem fit
It was attracted to your LIGHT
But along the way the path got clogged
And transforming it to the bright was lost
Along with it you lost your Whole
.
Now that you can see the pattern in your life
It’s finally time to grab the plug
And lighten up your load
It’s scary to let it all go and 
feel the emptiness inside
As it leaves, fill it up
with light and love and pride
In your success at finally
getting Wise
 .
.
Harini ( Heather Goss ) © 2016

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