Ramblings: Jealousy

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 Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of status or something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. (Wikipedia definition of jealousy)
I have been looking at my feelings of jealousy this week. You know one of “those” human emotions we are supposed to conker if we want to attain spiritual bliss or enlightenment, along with anger, fear, or any negative emotion. Maybe even positive ones? I don’t know as I am not there yet. Still dealing with jealousy.
An acquaintance of mine is running some women’s retreat weekends at her house that I was originally supposed to be a part of. We had started planning in the summer how a short weekend would look and decided to start in October.
In the meantime, in August, my son fell off a 20 meter cliff and was hospitalized for four months and has been in rehab for two months! Life hit me hard and I was not able to even think about anything else while we were desperately trying to save our son’s leg from amputation. He kept his leg!!!
Now that the trauma is settling down I feel like I can finally look again to my life and how I want to be effective in the world. This, writing my blog, and my Creative Dance are the ways I feel I can make a difference.
It’s not such a big deal to not be a part of her weekends, overall picture I can just start my own Woman’s group again.  But it would have been nice to have been asked if I was still interested. The clincher is: I live in the Czech Republic and do not speak Czech!  I need a bilingual person to hold the circle with, to help organize contacts and translate during the groups. Aha! An obstacle to overcome and I am now not sure how to accomplish it without my bilingual acquaintance.
Can you say jealous? Green with envy? Can’t even look at her invitations anymore for upcoming events? Ugh. I am deep in it.
“…the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind.” The internet states that this is a quote by the Dali Lama.
I am resonating with healers. I know that I have a gift for healing with my Dancing and Energy work. I have been told that this is true. I am also resonating with storytellers as I write my poems.  Poems that seem to come to me in certain moments. I can honestly look back at a poem and not remember writing it. Interesting.
What jealousy prompts for me is action. I need to take action. To continue writing. To reach out more and publicize my writing. (Oh, I cringe at the thought of letting others read my work!). To slowly put my Creative Dance out there again finding an English speaking or bilingual community to work with.
To feed the flames of my jealousy
Simply by doing
To quiet the roar of the fire
Dampen down the 
Feel the gentle burning
of the coals of 
See the spirits walking
in the flames of life
Showing me
the way
How they dance in and out
of the light
Dark Light Soft Sharp
Guessing where
they show themselves
Quiet one moment
Roaring the next
Hungry for the thirst
Being Real Alive
Naked in the beauty
Soul bared
Ready to leap
from the fire
into the heart
 Harini ( Heather Goss ) © 2017
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